He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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