I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
