did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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