Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize