There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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