sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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