hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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