Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
