please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
