I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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