apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
