Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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