we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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