# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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