she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
