i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
