SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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