His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
