My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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