I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
