i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
