You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
