Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
