question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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