Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
