thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I love having hate sex.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
