You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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