Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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