Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
