Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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