loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
