we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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