god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
