I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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