Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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