i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize