i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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