Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
