Have you finally orgasmed yet?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
