I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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