sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
