Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
