I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
