How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
