You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
