Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
