More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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