I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize