i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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