Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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