Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize