if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
