Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
