I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
