You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
