stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
