I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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