it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
