Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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