seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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