Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
