if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
