so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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