After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
