There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize