I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
