OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
