hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize