a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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