I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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