Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You've changed since you got that strap on
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize