We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
