Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
