remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
