Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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