I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
