Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
