I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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