he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize