My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
