you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
