In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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