He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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