I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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