My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
There r osticjed everywhere
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
