I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
