I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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