last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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