I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
