I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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