I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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