Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
