This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
