I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
