This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
