im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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