My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
