I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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