Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
