Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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