I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
