My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
