bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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