dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
