hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
