he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
