I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
