So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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